you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
