I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
