I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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