to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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