Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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