I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
