Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
