1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
