i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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