And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
