just survived the first fart of the relationship.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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