If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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