Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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