I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
