no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
