worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
