These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
