He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
