She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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