i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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