Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
