Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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