I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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