You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
