she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
God I need to hump something, right now.
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