I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
