i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
