Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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