I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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