I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
