those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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