haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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