I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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