somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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