U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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