If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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