Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
