Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
