My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
