I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize