Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
