Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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