i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
