She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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