yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
