There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
love makes seman taste better
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
