But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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