i already hear my dad disowning me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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