I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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