I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
