Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
should my penis look like a turkey
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
