got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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