just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
