I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
