Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
