I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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