Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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