there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
