So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
