remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
