y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
