im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
