how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Please don't give away my fajitas
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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