I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize