Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
