It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
