Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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