i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize