hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
