drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
