What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
40s are totally the cure
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
