I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
