pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
