I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
