Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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