i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize