i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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