Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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