but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
