the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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