best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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