I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
