It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
