Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
