I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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