3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
