rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
