We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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