My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
